"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you....For I am the Lord, your God...." Isaiah 43:1-3

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

3 meals per day and yet ...starving...

the scariest thing in the world is looking through current photos of your kiddos - seeing them after 17 months (yes, still counting) and wondering if you can name them all...thankfully I can, but oh my, they are so grown up...

seeing my angels on photos of someone else, realizing how much older they are now - year and a half...
seeing my boys turning into young men and girls beautiful as always...

I cried (luckily I'm home alone - it wasn't a pretty sight - I'm not a nice crier).
and I'm happy they have all the wonderful people coming to them and loving them with all their hearts, and I'm happy there are people who put them to bed and who wake them up for school...but oh my, am I jealous of them. I would give everything for a chance to see them again, to hold their hands and laugh with them,...

on one photo I saw a bit of the floor and next to the door there were sneakers, covered in red dust as well as everything else around...and I remember my sneakers waiting in that spot, although I didn't wear them very often, and I remember giving them to Felister...and I remember sleeping on that bed and walking around those buildings, I remember sitting on the ground one evening, before dinner, watching kids wash their hair, I remember it was cold and I was hungry, I remember waking up to give medicine to kids and then cuddling in my bed for one more hour freeing - and hungry again - or should I say still hungry?

sometimes I read a blog post written by some parents who just brought their kid home from a country far far away...and they often say that they're concerned because their son or daughter sneaks to the kitchen, takes food out of the fridge and eats even though they can't be hungry because they just finished their family dinner, I read about kids taking food with them everywhere they go, kids hiding food in their rooms,...

and I'll tell you one thing. I've been there, done that, know how they feel. No, not the parents. The kids.
just think about this - I've been in the orphanage for 7 weeks - 3 meals per day and by the end of my stay, insane amounts of PB and jelly sandwiches in between, because I was so hungry I just had to buy more food...still, when I came home I would eat everything I saw, I would get up at 11 or 12 p.m. take something out of the fridge and eat it in my bed. there was a bottle of juice or milk on my window sill every night and chocolate, cheese, crackers packages all around my bed. and still I was hungry. Yes, me who before, didn't eat after 6 p.m. because it wasn't healthy , me almost 20 years old (back then) and yet, I was eating like crazy after this "trip". It took me whole month to get back to "normal"

because you don't know what being hungry means (I don't know it!) ...of course we get hungry from time to time...we forget our lunch, we're too busy..we start some stupid diet to get our weight back after Christmas ;) but that's not hunger. you don't eat half of the bread loaf with PB and drink liter of tea just to be equally hungry after it,..you don't know...and I DON'T KNOW...I just tried two months of that and it gives me no right to tell you I KNOW because if I knew, I wouldn't be here typing this...I would be in the kitchen sitting on the floor in front of our fridge, stuffing my face with some cheese or something.
then imagine how your kid must feel after spending years in the orphanage...
all I'm saying is...try to understand a little bit...and give them some time....

1 comment:

Christine said...

Jarka this is an awesome post-- incredibly insightful. You are amazing! Hope your upcoming trip touches you and everyone around you.