missing

don´t you get a feel

that someone should be sitting

here right by your side?

once upon a time...

there was one little girl who lived her dream... it was the summer of 2009 when she learned magic.

african magic - full of love, compassion and prayers, the greatest magic of the world. 

It changed her, first step into the unknown world, first child´s hand she did hold, first star-full night she slept under heavenly sky, made her grew up. 

until then she was a kid, bu now all she longs for is to put her kids to bed at night and hold their hands when they go to the dentist. she´s missing her new home too much. it hurts too badly to be this far away... to know that one year ago....

she held God in her arms.

I´ve forgotten

I´ve forgotten, almost forgotten how damn lucky we are.
but then I took my evening shower and I remembered.
I´m damn lucky for having a shower, for having it right here in the dorms, just few meters from my room, for having insane quantity of hot/warm/cold water - whichever I wish, for having it whenever I want.
I´m damn lucky to have water.

And I would write an e-mail to my parents or sis, chat with them on g-mail, skype, wherever...I would call them at night. I would talk for hours on the phone with Prince M. ...
How damn lucky I am to be surrounded by people who care about me.
I can tell them how much I love them.
I know that "I love you" is powerful and valuable, it shouldn´t be said automaticaly at the end of the phone-calls, it should be meant, really meant. And so some people don´t say it very often because they know it´s value and don´t want to waste it.
But it´s not wasting if you say it to those whom you love. And so I´m damn lucky to be able to say it, to have someone who´s so precious that deserves it.

I´m so damn lucky to have family.

I do have food, and drinking water, I do have money and lots of nice clean clothes, cosy room to sleep in...
and I do try to persuade myself that my kiddos are lucky to get three meals a day, clean and safe drinking water and bed for the night, I try to tell myself that it´s great for them to go to school regularly and have enough light at night to do their homeworks...
but it´s so ...stupid.
Every single kid would change all this without even blinking, just to have one more opportunity to hug their mom, to have mommy, just for one night who would put them to bed, just one more time..
no, they have three meals a day and regular schooling.
how damn lucky they are?

sick of being homesick

and I see it all now.

wide streets with trees and flowers (ok, maybe not right now in winter, but in general..), clean trains and buses with real tickets, big room with actual ceiling and comfly bed, fridge full of food, handful of Maltesers right next to my laptop which is constantly pluged in, hot showers, flushing toilets, washing machines,...

and as I see all this, I keep wondering why did I miss it so much...
I did like the narrow dusty roads with corn-fields around them, matatus full of people with no tickets and apparently no limits, small room which I shared with Sabrina, my top bunk with no noticable materess, three poor meals a day, electricity from solar panels, bucket "showers" every 4 days, toilets...well, with no actual toilet at all, brush and a bit of soap to wash our clothes... I didn´t just liked it, I LOVED it. like I said

I LOVE my

Amazing

Frustrating

Ridicculous

Incredible

Colorful

Africa




I didn´t miss our "civilised" way of life. I didn´t miss our delicious meals eaten on the go, somewhere between catching a bus and finishing homework, I didn´t miss our smileless streets and people with no identity who pretend that no one else exists, I didn´t miss this...

I just missed my family, I missed my mom, and every second I was there I wished she would have come with me, she´d be such a wonderful mom for all my kids. I missed daddy, if he came with me every moment of every day would be brighter and every single one of my kids would love him so much, as he is the sweetest daddy a kid can wish for. I missed my sis, she´d heve loved it there, playing with all my kiddos and helping me to put them to bed. I missed my family, because I knew how fortunate I am to have one, I missed my family and at the same time I felt sick about having one, when my kids don´t have parents, I felt sick of missing my home, while my own kids there didn´t have any.


I wanted to go back and just hug my mom and daddy and talk to my sis and never let them go, because I knew my kids will never get a chance to do that again. I missed my family which was always with me, I missed my family, how unfair this is.



all I want now is to go back, hug my kids, hold them close to my heard and rock them all night in my lap and let them cry, and let them smile...as it´s the only thing I can do for them.

AND YOU! HEY LISTEN TO ME! GO AND HUG YOUR MOM, DADDY, KIDS, WHOEVER YOU LOVE! JUST GO RIGHT NOW AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY DESERVE TO KNOW :)

under african sky

many people before me, as well as many many after me would say that african sky is magical...but none of them prepared me for the truth. It´s not only magical, it´s incredibly deep.
One night, before going to bed, I was standing outside with a cup of water in my hand and a toothbrush stucked in my face, and there I saw it. It seriously scared me at first. In complete darkness, interupted only by shimmering light of Soldier´s torch, I was standing there, looking up, and I felt like I´ll fall into that sky.. I could feel my feet loosing the ground underneath them, I could feel myself falling up into that freakishly deep blackness. No, it´s not the different constelations which make the african sky so different. it´s its´ depth which calls you, which surrounds you, which scares you, which makes you stand in awe with a toothbrush in your mouth.

and nights are so peaceful in africa (apart from a couple of stray dogs crossing the orphanage compound). It´s dark black everywhere - and not just black - there´s complete lack of light. Just like when we were flying to Nairobi and I looked down, I could see tiny tiny lights now and then, but nothing else, just complete lack of light in between. I imagined that this is how God saw the Earth at the very beginning, peaceful, covered with silent darkness, and I can understand why He said it was good.

world has to keep turning

because my kids need to know it´s brighter side,

I need them to find paradise here.

I want every twig of every tree to be covered with oranges,

every twig of every tree, I don´t care if it´s apple-tree of pine.

I want every eye to shine and every mouth to smile,

a cat sitting on every shoulder, or at least little white rat turning it´s tail around every neck and kissing every cheek from time to time.

I want every man to talk to animals, but also to listen.

I want every hand to have a hand to hold,

I want all hearts filled, all minds free.

I want daddy for every child and no mommy with empty hands.

I wish it would snow icecream, and rain rainbow,

I want every wanderer to have a clean soft bed waiting for him at the end of this long day,

I want every doctor to hear thanks directly from his patient,

I want every child to be born, and every tear to be understood.

I wish flights to Kenya were cheaper, and I could see my kids whenever they´d need me.
I want every door unlocked, every tummy fed,
I want every knee to bend in front of every baby born, because that´s when it will be christmas again

I want stars to glow through night and day - even though we don´t see them.

I want the world to keep turning for my kids need a chance o grow and learn.

and one day, oh how I´m waiting for that day,

when I´ll go to sleep without saying prayer, because I´ll be so close to Him that no words will be needed, we´ll be in Eden again

oh how I´m waiting for that day.

chapatti night :)

so today´s friday, that means chapatti night right?
oh Greace, I wish I could be there and help you make them, I would give up my lunch, I would actually give up all week´s meals just to be able to get a bowl of peas, or whatever and one chapatti...no, scratch that, I would give up whole month worth of food just to be there and help Grace make them, I don´t even care for the chapatti, I just miss sitting on the ground in that small kitchen full of smoke, listening to Grace´s radio and just soaking in the atmosphere :)

what to bring, what to leave, what to forget....

I´ve decided to write this post for myself, because I want to remember what I needed, what was extra, and what was completly useless in africa. I might use this list when I´ll be packing next time, or some of you might use it etc. ... I just thought it would be handy to have a complete list of things needed to survive in rural africa :)

CARRY ON :
-aka the most important part of your luggage and the only one about which you can be sure that it will still be there at the end of the flight.

-passport, international vaccination papers, money etc. (usual stuff)
-antimalaria pills
-camera, camera charger, spare memory cards
-set of clean clothes
-cell phone + charger

hmmm that´s about it...this is all you´ll need in first few days/weeks, while they´ll be looking for your checked in bag which decided to make holiday in Cairo.
+ I tyed a blanket to the side of my backpack and the airlines didn´t have a problem with that so just try to stuff your carry on with as many items as you can, not just the bare necessities. You don't want to travel comfortably, for goodness sake you're traveling to africa!

CHECKED IN:
- aka the useless bag without which you´d be able to survive 8 to 10 days (depending on the speed with which they decide to search for it)

-clothes
take only the shirts and t-shirts which you want to leave there, because they will be probably destroyed by the end of your stay, and if not, then you´ll leave everything there anyway because people there could use them better than you.
-following numbers are based on prediction that you´ll travel fully dressed, with sock and everything...
-approx. 7 t-shirts
-2 or 3 shorts
-1 long pants
-2 long sleeved tops
-1hoodie
-2 pair of socks
-underwear
-water bottle (you might want to bring water purrifying tablets or something, but I didn´t use them after all, water was clean safe to drink in WWB )
-flipp-flopps /crocks
-stuff for the kids
-2 or 3 packs of baby wet wipes
-tissues
-toothbrush + toothpaste
-soap, shampoo
-medication: band-aids, Imodium AD, pain-killers, Strepsils (I didn´t use anything else)
-sleeping bag
-small pillow
-long PJs or just bottoms (I used clean T-shirt for sleeping)
-head torch, torch, batteries
-diary + pen/pencil

everything else is optional, and I didn´t need it while I was in WWB - I´m sure the conditions change from place to place but this is what I know about WWB :)

- I might have forgotten something, so feel free to ask, if you see something missing in here, I´ll be happy to add it there, or explain why it´s not listed.

traveling in Kenya is....interesting

did I ever tell you how funny it was to travel around in Kenya?

first of all there are those bike-riding guys who are willing to take you everywhere for a couple of shillings = highly ecological but a little bit uncomfortable (at least it looked like that - I´ve never tried it)

then there are "matatu" vans who are originaly designed for 12 people, but matatu can officialy take 14 people (+ tons of other stuff) and usually it ends up with 24-26 people on board - few of them "standing" as much as you can stand in such a small van...

(that photo was a-kind-of-stollen from my friend - one of the volunteers -and please note that this matatu was really NOT full yet :)

but what I wanted to say is that those mad drivers who seemed to drive in absolute chaos with no rules at all managed to make it an amazing ballet and swim in the ocean of cars without stoping, and thankfuly without crashing... but what petrified me was how they went to the petrol station and while the one and only stuff member filled the tank with petrol - smoking all the time of course - they casualy chatted with our driver, shauting in order to hear each other through the noise our car (with the engine turned on) was making... mesmorizing...

most of the time we walkwd, but once you´ve decided to use "public transport" you could be sure that they´ll try to break as many rules as possible - such as smoking forbidden and please turn your engine off at the petrol stations!

new beginning...happy New year

every mom, I´m sure, started new year with prayer for her kids. so did I.
I prayed for wisdom and happiness, for tight sleep and shiny stars on their sky, for someone to hug them at the first day of school, for clear water and many smiles, for cheap flight tickets - so that I could see them again soon, and for thousands of fortunes for every little one on this world, because that´s what they deserve :)
I pray for my kids.

ALL I ASK FOR

Be the glory to God,
Because thanks to Him,
I have all I need.
And all I could ever ask for
is already here,
Filling my heart
with endless happiness.

Still, some people close their eyes
Choose not to see it,
They wish more luck,
And ask for more blessings
to meet me in my life.
But I know my truth,
I know the Love which came
to give me peace
and so all I ask for
is to make them see.

Show them my Lord,
That you are here.
And if by any chance,
someone still prays for me
Then all I ask for, my God,
is to take these prayers.

Listen to them,
treasure them in your heart
and take care of every single one.
Keep them close,
To never forget
To never get them lost
And one day, when you´ll decide
it´s time to stand up and reply,
once You put them all in one,
wait a minute and add mine,

add it to that lot and send it all
to people who need them more.
And when you´ll be on the way,
bringing your answer to my world,
give many greetings to my soldier,
Myriads of good-night kisses to all my kids

Hug every living creature you meet
Give them all wisdom
and peace they all need.
Look at the orphans,
and parents with empty craddle,
take care of homeless
and men who struggle,
trying to live their lives alone
and fill the needs of my hoping world,
that´s all I ask for.

flight

I love flying, the further I go, the more I enjoy the yourney. I love everything from packing through waiting at the airport to the scent on the board. That magic mixture of coffee, bittersweet Earl Grey tea, microwavable food, recycled air and humans. Who wouldn´t love it?
And then imagine you´re sitting next to some highly interesting passanger and you have full five hours in front of you. Five hours of short polite talks, comments about the food served on board and hours of pretended interest for each other. Even better is if you happen to sit next to a child – it´s great opportunity to throw stuffed Pooh teddy bear at each other and to get that wonderful book where you have to find blue dog hiding on each page, you can smile at each other, no need to talk, just loving the milk-rice they give you together with some kind of dump lasagne and chewy croissant. This is why I love flying so much, that´s why I´ll never grow tired of it. If five hours is absolute delight, then imagine that after that, you´ll board another plane for another five-hours-long heavenly flight.
And after almost half a day of traveling, running across various airports and meeting people who absolutely don´t care about you, you find yourself in Jommo Kenyatta International Airport and the adventure just begins. That´s why I love flying.

news from WWB

all kids are doing well and Jackline and Diana are really great atschool! they were first in their class! I´m so proud of them!

missing my kids

- getting used to hot water (read: already able to take hot showers :) and I also don´t feel urge to eat as much as I can every time when I come home - that was a bad issue few weeks after my return home - I was just eating and eating - enjoying every bite, every flawor, just stuffing myself with as much food as I could (like in Java house in Nairobi - when we didn´t know when we´ll see "normal" food again) ...now I´m starting to miss Githery - really, and I miss those plastic cups in which water tasted like mixture of beans and laundry soap, and I miss my shaky bed and metal door which we left open every night, I miss cold mornings and silent waiting for hot cup of chai, ...geez I miss africa....and it´s getting worse every day, and every night before I go to sleep I just pray, I pray for my kids, because they are mine and all I need right now is them to be safe and sound, I need them to be happy and I just desperately want to check on them right now, today, in this second.

bad day for my left arm

ouuuch, today was bad day for my left arm.
At first, I went to hospital - to get my blood tested for HLA - to become a bone marrow registrated donor, then my doctor gave me the last vaccination (hep A and B).
Like I said, not a good day for my arm...
so I might say that africa is over - as I´ve been there more than 2 months ago and today I finished all the medical blah blah blah...but it´s not over, and it´ll never be. Africa is forever a part of me.
___________________________
I´m back home, enjoying free friday and it´s snowing!!!! and I keep thinking about my kids in Africa.
For them "winter" has finished.

"shower"

do you know which "luxury" I missed in africa?
SHOWER - all we had was bucket of cold water (of course that I could heat up a kettle or two to make the water a litle bit warmer but those of you who know me for a while already know that I' m too lazy to do that, so I "showered" in cold water all the time. can you imagine how excited I was when I came home and I was about to take my first hot shower in 6 weeks? - yes HOT - I didn't care that it was summer, I didn't care that people were sweating all around me becase it even thought it as night, the temperature was still overwhelming. I just wanted my hot shower. And then after 6 weeks of cold buckets all I could manage was mild (almost cold) shower and still I felt as if I was washing with boiling water - even now, after almost 3 weeks of my "luxurious" normal life I can't have hot shower because it would hurt...I just got use to cold water and all what I care about right now is that the water is running and I can take cold shower every night - maybe I'll be back to normal around Christmas and I'll get my hot shower after my first snowboarding trip - or maybe not - I might shower with cold water for the rest of my life - who knows?
BTW mom thought it was fnny that after my first shower all bathtub was filled with red african dust, well, what can I say? - i was just one of the souvenirs I brought home from Kenya - people should learn to appreciate small things.

laundry

I don´t know if I already told you about our laundry experiences in Kenya but washing our clothes was pretty interesting ... we half-filled our bucket with cold water and then used old-fashioned laundry soap and "magic brush" (= ordinary brush which in fact does wonders - it makes disappear the red african dust) or Toss gentle detergent - then we tried our best, but whatever we did, we ended up with bucket of muddy soapy water and at the end we considered everything what was wet to be clean.
sometimes we rinsed the muddy soapy clothes in half-bucket of clean cold water, sometimes not...the more soap we keep in the fabric, the better it will smell - by the end of my stay I didn´t care much about stains, I just wanted something what smelled good better than the rest of my clothes.

shoes, my heart and evening prayer

Shoes are one of the few things which bother me now, after my come-back. I keep fighting with unbearable desire to take off my shoes on the most inappropriate places – in the shorring center, on the street, up on the hills behind our house (well there I gave up and simply walked barefoot as I did in africa but in public it´d be really odd)
And I enjoyed my barefoot summer in the middle of Kenya but still, it´s neither healthy, nor safe for kids to run around with no shoes on, so I left 3 pairs there and so I can say that together with my heart which I left in africa, there are also my sandals and shoes (any many many more items blah blah – not important).
Sospeter has my Teva sandals, big Joyce has my Crocs and Felister has my sneekers. I came home with no summer shoes at all and so daddy bought me new Teva sandals and I can´t wait to go back to africa – to meet my heart there and pass these new sandals to some other kid.
...

Prayer before dinner (only sound) – I absolutely love when they say: „...and then I pray!....“ David used to imitate them and it was one of my favorite moments of the day.

interesting stuff

I didn´t write much about past events in WWB, mostly because I didn´t know what to say, I didn´t feel like thinking about it again and again,..but the trut is I can´t stop thinking about them and I keep asking myself what happened?
...and I think world has to know, and I also promised to let you know... and then today when I chacked my dashboard Ifound David´s great post with facts and explanations for you guys, so... interesting stuff by David :

Everybody´s asking about Africa, more precisly Kenya, and everybody wants to know everything, and now after few days of doing-nothing, just enjoying my boring „normal“ life, the time has come, to tell you what exactly happened and what I learned...

Africa is different, different from our standards, from all what we´re used to. What did I miss the most? Shower – is the first thing which comes to my mind but the truth is that dirt didn´t bother me so much. The thing which I missed the most was COMMON SENSE. such word doesn´t exist there, for most of the people who we mwt.

Did I find what I was looking for? NO I didn´t. I found much more. At first as a„short-term“ volunteer you have to accept the fact that you won´t change Africa (at least not during your first stay there) but that Africa will CHANGE YOU.
What about experience? – it was the best experience of my life (so far) but no, it wasn´t what I expected. It was hard but after all it was positive.
Did we bring some change after all? I DO hope so, certainly we found problems and we didn´t go home without telling the world.
Africa was overwhelming, and sometimes too different to feel comfortable there, Africa was frustrating and sometimes so slow that I could hardly believe that world is still turning.
Now Geoffrey says that Dona was fired, that he will find the solutions for problems which we found and that he will try to change. –that´s little hope, but still, it´s more than nothing and if Dona´s really gone, then I can sleep better. I never wished anybody anything bad but wanting her to go away, to be as far as possible from our little angels was so important for me, now they are safe protected by all the members of the staff who love them so much.

Our group of volunteers left but all our hearts stayed there, in those small rooms with squeaking iron beds and dusty red floor. Our hearts stayed there with 24 amazing kids, and our hearts will stay there until we come back to be reunited with our wonderful children.

I won´t forget, WE won´t forget and every moment of our time while we´re away will be dedicated to the thoughts about them, about Africa, about our home.

I don´t want to say much about the problems which we faced for now,because now Geoffrey says they will be solved and until I know for sure, what´s happening right now, I´ll believe that it´s true and I´ll hope for the best :)

keep going

yesterday I had a shower, then I washed away, last remains of my „tan“ with baby wet wipes and put some Waterless germ soap on my hands, so now I´m still dirty but it´s clean harmless dirt. And my feet were relatively clean too, until the first step I took after my „shower“.
Yesterday was wonderful day with Boniface, I had my first bite of shugar cane ever and I loved it and I had a cup of tea without shugar and I loved it too and I´m still in love with Africa.
Amazing
Frustrating
Ridiculous
Incredible
Changing
Africa
And btw I changed the date of my flight, so I´ll be home next Sunday (august 9th).

masai mara

more pictures from safari....

back "home" from safari

3 days on safari with the best guide ever...thanks Stanley!!!! :)

world has to know

First two weeks here in africa were absolutely amazing (except for little sickness and the fact that I didn´t have my baggage for first ten days ). Orphanage seemed to be so much better place for these kids, than staying with guardians or grandmoms who couldn´t take good care of them... I mean, they get food three times per day, they get clean water and place to sleep and they get toys and volunteers to play with and people who care...but this little paradise illusion started to fall appart. One persom from the staff doesn´t agree with orphanage policy (no beating or physical punishment for kids) and she beats girls all the time – apparently she did it before but G. decided to give her another chance (not second, but another!) and now she did it again, all staff, volunteers and kids are against her but nothing has been done. „Boss“ of the organisation came and said he´ll resolve this problem but now he´s leaving again and all we get was appology from D. and she said she won´t do it again...was that supposed to be the solution? Is this all? Nothing else? Girls will still sleep in the same room with her and nobody cares? – WE DO CARE but for God´s sake what can we do? Leave? Close our eyes and go back to our comfy normal lives???
Paradise is lost and I can only pray for it to be found again. Sky is grey and storm is coming but I don´t fear because God is with me, but why does it have to be so hard for the kids? They already lost their parents, they won´t see them again on this world and the only place they have is this orphanage.
World isn´t fair but we´ll try to make it at least better place,
to make it place where kids could smile,
to make it place where kids could do mistakes and learn from them without being punished,
to make it place where they could grow and live.

I wish I could dream like this, I wish I could say how wonderful it is but I can´t. World has to know and we won´t be silent.

PS: I´m still the same optimistic Jarka you know and I´m happy we are here because I believe that we´ll bring some change (and we will change as well).

We´re still waiting for the final decision and whatever it will be, world will know, I promise.

hot and dusty, never clean...

I was washing my clothes today - they are still dirty but at least they smell like my laundry soap so it´s better than nothing.
we (volunteers) are having BBQ tomorrow :) yumm yumm
...

everything is hot and dusty here, today we went to do some "field work" with Bonifac and I have some cool pictures but I´ll have to resize them because this internet is incredibly slow :P

I´m also homesick and quite sad right now (might be a side effect of those stupid anti-malaria pills as well)

so I´ll say ttfn, here´s one more picture from yesterday :)

best shoes for climbing trees= no shoes

Sospeter took some really great pictures, and as he´s usually very shy, I was so happy to see him come to me. I let him listen to my mp3 player and then he smiled and world was turning again...he talkes to me in Kikuyu (local language) and I smile and talk to him in English (each of us just guessing what the other one says)...

today was really hot and we didn´t have much to do, so we went to shamba (garden) and there I was pulling strings out of one sack to get them long enough to tye tomatoe plants to the sticks...then I came back home and had rice with beans for lunch...then I was bored so I climbed few trees (yes, I´m still as white as I´ve been when I came - african sun is strange) and then Sospeter came...

bath time

it´s hard to keep clean here in Kenya but you have to try (at least)...

so much to say...so slow internet...

bell is ringing - that means everybody should go out and wash before dinner (I had "shower" today = I washed myself in a bucket full of cold water, so I don´t have to go now...)
sun is going to sleep and we don´t have electricity today, but it´s weekend so no homework done with the light from the torch...
everything is slow here, life, time, internet, and I don´t mind, it´s nice to get some rest.

I´m ready for dinner (literally starving to death) :)
we use some food seasonings here, called "chicken masala", "beef masala" and today boys bought "fish masala" - all yellow stuff with exactly the same taste...

swing on mango tree

today I was swinging on a swing on mango tree....
life is so peaceful here in Kenya...

love africa

everything is great. you just have to love africa.
my feet will probably never be clean again but I don t care. Life is so good over here.
{sorry no photos for now , internet is a way too slow to even send regular updates home , so no chance to upload pictures}


thanks for all the comments, I appreciate every one of them.

love from Kenya

J.

3 days...ONLY DAYS left!!!

it´s raining...

some more shopping today - basicaly I´m ready to go :)
people keep freaking out when they find out I´m going this Friday - and I was considering to join them and panick a little bit more but I just feel so ready to go!
the shop keeper from the Sport shop where I bought my watter bottle was very kind and he even gave me some advices - it was wonderful to meet someone who doesn´t think I´m nuts.
right now I´m packing - yes I know it´s time to pack and don´t worry I´ll manage to pack it all-there are still 3 days left :)

and there was nice little note with "useful information for travelers" in my anti-malaria medication - there are nice little stickers for me - to mark the day of next dose ...yumm yumm...

23 C in Nairobi right now (73,5 F). I´d love to tell you more but there´s nothing interesting going on right now- you´ll have to wait few more days.

Dear anonymous,

I´m writing this blog with love and hope that it might inspire someone and I also want to share my joy with the whole world so I´m sure you´ll understand why I didn´t publish your comment. I praise God with everything I do (at least I try to do so). I´m sorry if you really believe in what you said but if you opened your heart, just a little bit, you would feel His love and His care for you.
I´d love to ask everyone of you my dear flowers to pray for anonymous commenter(s), pray for wisdom and faith and peace for their brokem hearts.
I have to approve every comment you make on my blog – but it´s just because I like to receive e-mails reminding me about all those beautiful encouraging comments you leave here and I never thought that I´ll have to deal with something as sad as broken spirit of anonymous.
I wish you luck and lots of love on your way through life and I sure DO hope your steps will lead you toward Him, because He´s the only right way, dear anonymous.
I wish I could hug you and say that everything will be fine, I wish I could give you piece of my heart and you would feel Him in your life, because He´s here all the time.

XXX

Jarka

PS: don´t even bother to comment again, if you don´t have anything constructive to say, and please don´t hide your own face behing stupid wrong quotes of people who made so many mistakes in their lives that only God can forgive them. Say something on your own, if you have to, but don´t make me read such ridiculous quotations.
Thanks

PPS: sorry that you had to read this because (thankfuly) it doesn´t concern majority of you... :)

my doctor was scared...

today (finally) I got my last shot (YF) but oh boy...I had to fight for it!

so first thing in the morning we went to my normal doctor to get the documents about my Hep A and B vaccination, them we went to that "special"doctor for exotic disseases and infections...
but she wasn´t there...actually she was, but they had some meeting today and apparently I´m not an "urgent case" as they call it so they said I should go to my normal doctor and she will give me the shot...ok...we went to the doctor who gives international certificates of vaccination and asked if it would be ok to get the shot from my normal doctor and just bring her some paper about it...she said it´s absolutely fine and that my normal doctor can call her if she had any questions (because YF is live vaccine they were all a little bit "cautious" about it...) so I went back to my doctor (nurse was shocked to see us again) and this is the moment when my normal doctor panicked...(I completly understand her because side effects/complications include death and she didn´t want to take such responsability + she isn´t allowed to give such shots because it should be done by specialist or something...) so she called the doctor who gives certifiate and (with high, panicked voice) they were yelling at each other, keeping conversation at friendly (children appropriate) all time long...



and so we went back to the special doctor and with some luck she gave me the shot. (no panicking, no extra caution...she just said: "Ok but quickly!" :D )She´s great (remember that photo of me getting a shot last time? - so that´s her next to me :)

and I have my INTERNATIONAL CERTIFICATES OF VACCINATION (for YF, typhoid, meningococcal meningitis and Hep A and B)

just go and read it...

this beautiful post touched my heart and I´m going to remember it for the rest of my life. Just go and read it:

http://fumia.blogspot.com/2009/06/malachi-33.html

PS: Ashley thanks so much for posting that story. I keep praying for you guys :)

Africa- coming soon!

Two university exams ahead, Evan peacefuly resting under my table and /best book ever/ "Enough to make a cat laugh" by Deric Longden is trying to catch my attention by constantly staring at me from the opposite side of my table. Sun is shamelessly bright, it should be illegal - how am I supposed to concentrate when everything´s so marwellous outside?
I cleaned was trying to clean my table today. I really was! Anyway... Africa is almost here! 18 days left! One more shot /yellow fever/ and many good byes to be said. 4 letters to be written and sent, luggage to be packed, flight ticket insurence to be found actually I found it already, it was hiding in the mess on my table.
so I´ll be packing my "carry on" soon - that´s my favourite part of packing - so any suggestions about what should I have there?

And yes, don´t even bother to ask...I still have Christmas decorations over my table, and yes it´s mid-June . ... who cares?

this will be so importand day for my friend...I pray pray pray...

court date sounds like something very serious and really importand, and it really is! And even more important when it´s a date for which you´ve been waiting such a long time.

Make your own Countdown Clocks

so let´s all pray together because this day (Thursday June 11th) is one of the most important days of this year.
It´s been a long journey for us, but for God it´s all just a blink of His eye,
but we are human beings and as every child, we are impatient and we can´t wait to hear You answering "YES" when we ask "Are we there yet?"
...so Dear Lord, give us strength to see beauty of every moment and make our waiting shorter by showing us Your Love. You as a Father, know how difficult it is, to wait and count down seconds until You can bring your child home, so look at my friend and give her peace as she´s waiting for the day when she´ll be able to bring her son home :) ...I know my Lord that every story in your book has Happy Ending, so all I ask for is patience and peace, while we are waiting for that joyful moment.

M&M's and typhoid and tye-die

today was long day, but I enjoyed every second :) ...getting a shot, playing with little angel (our teacher´s daughter) all afternoon and it was quite sunny ... and Iwas wearing my tye-died t-shirt (which I made few years ago when I was a "water fairy" during "Fairy tale forest" - one local action for kids :) ...and finally I´ve sent my hair to locks of love...and I gave my teacher all school books then borrowed us for this year :P so it was really long and successful day

good night everybody, I´m off to bed :)

God doesn´t have everything

He never had, and will never have a plan B. All what´s happening here, on the world is His very first plan A which works perfectly and He only knows why he planned this for us.
We have many plans...of course everybody starts with plan A, then B,if something doesn´t work as we imagined, plan C because our situation changed, plan D because we see an unexpected opportunity... and soon we are running out of lettres and wishing that alphabet was longer.
And He only needs one letter, His alphabet could start and end with the very same letter A.
And all what´s happening is His first plan, He doesn´t have to adjust it when some accident occures or when there´s the end of the road. And this brings peace to my heart, knowing that He planned this all, everything has reason, every step leads toward Him.
Our plans are just foolish dreams of kids, His plan is leading hand of loving Father.
And our plans might change but everytime, when you are at plan Z remember it´s just the A for Him and everything´s going well.

some more babbling about medical stuff

my doctor thinks it might be funny to give me one more shot, apparently she enjoys sticking needles to kids (Nick says I´m still just a kid so...let´s pretend it´s true).
and that´s why I´ll get a MENINGOCOCCAL MENINGITIS shot this week and YF+ typhoid later.
I will call it M&M's (short form of meningococcal meningitis shot) because if you tell a kid that the doctor will give you M&M's, day seems to be brighter and world is up side down.
meningococcal meningitis breaks my tongue even if I just try to say it out loud, so the actual disease have to be much more dangerous - that´s why I´m quite happy my doctor suggested this and I´ll get my M&M's without complaining (as a good 19 years old kid).
so this makes my list of medical stuff even longer, but because "safety first" I really can´t say anything.
And how mean is my doctor - every time when she´s about to give me a shot, she asks if I´m right-handed and then she sticks that needle to my left arm -so I can still write at school (no more school for now, but still, I think she´s mean! )

this is for ABBY and for Locks of Love...and all kids of the world, who deserve little joy :)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

that was really easy and I feel so much better now :)
The first second, when my friend started to cut my hair, was pretty scary but then I remembered that it´s for good thing and I enjoyed getting my haircut :) so now I´m ready for summer and for hot weather in Kenya (it won´t be so hot there, as it will be Winter in africa but... :D )

few more photos:

just YF and typhoid left...

today whas the day with big H ...my second Hep A and B shot is over and there´s only Yellow fever and typhoid left.... :D I´ll have to get the last Hep shot in 5 months but I don´t care because it really doesn´t hurt :)
-sorry, no photos because I forgot to take my camera :o
I´ll update soon but now thare are BIG exams at school and I should concentrate :P

run and tell that

(just turn out the music -there´s a player on the side bar)

the blacker the berry sweeter the juice....the darker the chocolate the richer the taste....
...I completly agree ...
I just wanted to share this video because I can´t get it out of my head-great song
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

anybody wants to cut my hair?

this summer will be really hot - as I´ll spend it in Kenya :)
and my hair is quite long now and so I´ll have to cut it before I go (because it´s really annoying now - it gets stuck in the shoulder strap of my school bag, it´s literally everywhere and I NEED change...)
and then I realised that if I´m going to cut my hair now, I can use it for some good thing...at first I only wanted to cut few inches but now I changed my mind...
10 inches will go away...far far away actually - all the way to some little princess...

I´m going to DONATE my hair because:
-it´s long enough to make someone happier
-I don´t really need it
-it will help someone who´s fighting for life

you can do it too - get some nice short haircut for summer and make someone´s life a fairy tale :)

What a honor it will be for me, to know that some little knight or sweet little fairy are smiling because of me :)
I´m sharing this on my "Living Big" blog because I think it´s important part of my "WORLD CHANGING" ... sharing my happiness with the others and helping kids to live their dreams - that´s all what matters :)
I´m writing this whole blog, in hope that it might inspire someone and I thought this is worth sharing as well :)

(photo of my hair 3 months ago)

almost ready

so my backpack arrived yesterday! it´s here and I call him Evan (that wasn´t my idea -giving a name to it but... :)
Evan - because I love the meaning :
It is of Welsh origin. Variant of a Gaelic name anglicised as John (Hebrew) "the Lord is gracious". In Celtic, the name means "young warrior". In Welsh, it means "God is Good". It is also used as a short form of Evangelos, which means "good messenger" in Greek. In Hebrew, Evan means "rock".

here´s the picture of me with Evan - I payed for it myself (with money I earned last summer) so it´s completly mine :)


and it´s gorgeous - all the pockets and straps and zippers and velcro everywhere :) and I will take it as "carry on board" backpack so I can start thinking about the way how to pack it :)
+ ouch next week is another round of my hepatitis vaccination - if you don´t like needles don´t look because I´m planning to take a picture of the shot :D

DOs and DON´Ts

there are so many rules in this world. e.g. now, in two months or so, I´ll be flying to Kenya and so I checked the "baggage allowance" and "restricted items" on the website of the company and..

-I can´t carry any radioactive material! (oh no!, I´ll have to leave the tone of that nuclear waste we have in the cellar at home!)
-I can only take 20 kg ( 44lbs.)
-I can NOT smoke (nobody can THANKS GOD!!! :) ...it will be nice flight after all...)

ouch...it didn´t hurt at all...

fisrt HEPATITIS A and B shot is over...

it looks terrible but I didn´t feel it.
-I will need 3 of them (one now, second in one month time and last in 6 months)
-after first two shots, I´ll be protected for 6 months
-it costs 50 € per dose (= 150 € for full vaccination)
-you can buy it in pharmacy, without prescription
-younger kids (born 1998 or later) are vaccinated for free...my fault I was born in 1989 - bad order of last two numbers :P ...let´s face the truth - I´m too old, nobody wants me, who cares I could get hepatitis? :D ...but I´m happy that it´s free for kids now :)

unfortunately it doesn´t have any funny side effects so no interesting story to tell (yet)

some purchases made today...

-backpack ordered (many many thanks to the best of the best friends Martin!!! )
-flight ticket bought (many many thanks to "CKM travel" office for being so kind and patient with me )
I´ll fly to Cairo and then to Nairobi - it´s night flight so I hope the pilot won´t fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the journey...and I also hope I won´t miss my flight and stay sleeping at the airport in Cairo - they wouldn´t be very happy there :D

I´m flying ...

it´s even more real...becoming really real!!!
7th April 2009 - flight is booked
(UPDATE - 9th april - I bought different ticket)

I´ve started a "ta-da list" and there are really so many things to be done
(how many times am I going to say "really" till I finish this post? )
no funny story about booking the ticket - the CKM employee was pretty brave (I beg she has houndreds of volunteers flying to Nairobi every day so there was nothing to be excited about...God knows I wish there were houndreds of volunteering people - world would be nicer) - but seriously, one would think she at least look at me..no, not a single blink...

geez...will they pick up that phone or not???

calling my doctor to say "Hi...and btw do you have a yellow fever vaccine for me?"
and guess what she said - nothing!!! she didn´t even picked up the phone - I´m wondering if she´ll do it in this century, or should I wait few more decades and try again?

I guess she doesn´t have many patients who would let her to come close with a needle without trying to get her down...I guess she doesn´t have many patients who are begging to get vaccinated and I guess not many of them are accually looking forward to it!!! - so she should enjoy me - peaceful, willing to get vaccinated girl!!!
I can´t wait (literally) to have my own documents...
someone else was lucky enough so here´s the picture from complete stranger of who I´m completly jealous!!!

I´ll soon become an earth explorer...

yes, you´re right...this baby will travel with me...
my camera equipment (consists of one fairly small camera and bunch of memory cards) would easily slip into the pocket of my pants so you might be asking yourself why for goodness sake am I buying this?
the answer is easy :
- I simply enjoy feeling like a real explorer and looking cool with a backpack of each traveler´s dreams...
-it will last forever (I like the idea of my grand-children playing with it in the garden - pretending to be explorers like their grand-mom )
-it looks cool (and it really is cool, breathtaking, handsome, practical backpack)
-it´s NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC - it will add a pinch of professionality to my wandering (do you need another reason?)

and that front pocket for photographer´s gear can be filled with socks and diary or candy for kids (not if I´ll put socks there - don´t worry)
....now you can stare on my baby and be jealous...enjoy

XOXO

Jarka

I´m officialy happy

4th april 2009 - official acceptance letter from WWB
things are moving forward...
I know it´s just a small step on my journey but as Mother Teresa said:

"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. "

no progress

hmmm, my doctor was quite surprised when I announced I´ll go to Africa this summer and I need some vaccinations. But she handled it quite good and after one hour of waiting I levaed with small “sticky note” paper with phone number and name of some other doctor who´s a kind of specialist and so…
still NO PROGRESS!!!

how did I found out about WWB ?

watching Twilight movie inspired me...actually it was Edward who said the magical phrase... " you can GOOGLE it..."
and so I did GOOGLE it and here I am.

decision made - 27 march

my dream comes true. in summer 2009 I´ll be volunteering in an orphanage in Kenya. Right now, I´m getting ready - getting all the vaccinations, anti-malaria medication, information, ...being happy and overexcited...

you may want to visit the homepage of the orphanage where I´ll be helping, so here it is: http://www.watotowabaraka.org/